Dear Me, Myself and Bold,
Do you remember the first time someone called you bold? You stepped back with the utmost confusion wrapped in the folds of your mind. Bold? Me? There’s no way but, then you stepped forward, took another look only to realize that was the best adjective to describe you. Bold, now that we sit here reflecting and considering all that the last year and a half has given us, we realize there is no better way to describe us than bold.
This year has seemingly given us more than we can bear from the mental fatigue, physical weariness, financial burdens and constant moving. But if there is one thing, we’ve polished it is our ability to be more courageous, more daring, less intimidated, and less fearful. Although as we know this year wasn’t as mentally pleasing or sound as other years have been, I am proud that even while seemingly ripping apart at the seams we remained afloat.
Bold, you went from seriously contemplating living in your car because getting an apartment was far too complex during the harsh winter. Although never admitting it to your family, you went from being homeless and having to use every penny possible to bounce from a sub-lease apartment, to an Airbnb and then finally to a coed apartment full of strangers. From one battle to another, parking and toll ticket after ticket. Side gig to side gig, job to job and burning your car into the ground doing Uber, Lyft and Instacart all while deathly afraid as a Black Woman at that, at any time I could become another hashtag.
But still you remained bold. Even while battling your own demons you gave life advice to a suicidal passenger and helped another move into a new apartment. A few months later, you were in his shoes using an Uber to move. Isn’t it funny how full circle this year has been?
Literally hitting a bump in the road with your car, Blue Ice, and having to let her go because no matter how hard you worked money just didn’t add up. Eventually you realized that the phrase, “Closed mouths don’t get fed,” was about to become your life’s mantra or else you’d starve with pride roaring in your belly. Instead of being humiliated or ashamed from asking for help, you learned that lifting as we climb is the way of the world or at least it should be. In the past, when you had to give, you did and when others have enough to give, they return the favor. It’s okay to be open, transparent, and it’s okay to be in a need. It is NOT okay to ignore your pain to feed your pride, but it is okay not to be okay.
Bold, you’ve been learning the same lessons for the last 5 or so years and I think it’s time you finally embrace it. Scientists say there are 7 billion human beings on earth. Can you imagine if each one of those 7 billion people were fully independent? We wouldn’t need each other. There would be no warmth; no real connections to form because we’d all think that we were all we needed.
This year you allowed yourself to speak up more, create more and put your face out there more. Even while still timid, you let the world know that you are here and not going anywhere. It is okay that you didn’t create content all day, every day like some others were able to do. You’re getting there and that’s all that matters.
This year you accepted who you are at the core and allowed that authenticity to shine through your writing, whether it was shared with the world or not. Bold, you realized that no matter what you do, there are some people who are never going to love or appreciate who you are as a person. In that same vein, you also learned that those who have wronged you will always find a way to circle back into your vicinity. Their return is often the only way they know how to apologize for the pain they inflicted upon you.
Bold, you finally accepted that school isn’t truly for you and the girl who was once adamantly declaring that she would one day be a psychologist may have been wrong all along. You realized that the gift you have isn’t quite like any other but instead among some of the strangest people on earth. You are strange Bold, no not necessarily awkward how you’ve always proclaimed but you are strange. That is not a bad thing, if anything it’s what makes you, you.
This year you dared to express yourself in ways you once were always afraid of. You told people you loved them or desired them even if you weren’t sure that same expression would be expressed back to you. You were free with your heart and allowed it to attach to what it wanted to. You had no limits. Bold, you may say your life isn’t great but when we sit back to reflect, you must realize that your life is what you make it.
Bold, you became more of a “Law of Attraction,” enthusiast which gave you more confidence in your ability to cultivate the life you want. You even allowed yourself to learn from others not quite like those you learned from in your childhood. Bold, this year you were liberated in a way that you may not have even realized until this very moment.
This year life was truly your greatest teacher and you one of its best students. It may have felt like you were constantly falling and failing but keeping the faith that everything would eventually settle itself proved that you were indeed winning. Even through the wilderness you found ways to still visualize your greatest life and the more you keep that up the closer you will be to your divine path.
So now that it’s over Bold, you walk away from this chapter with an immense feeling of confidence, a refreshed spirit and mindset. You know the steps that need to be taken to get where God and the Universe have been telling you is meant for you, since you were only 11 years old. It’s no wonder the number 11 is always appearing in your visual field and why it’s your birth date. You’ve been on the right path your whole life but only when you begin to focus on the lives of other people and their success is when you are thrown off from your own. You are dynamic, charming and more than capable of completing your mission on earth. And just like your old pastor used to say, “There is nothing missing, nothing broken and nothing lacking.” Bold, you are whole, and you have always been a complete being. God is the number one artists of the universe, and none of God’s artwork is incomplete. You don’t need a significant other to finish your puzzle. You are the puzzle and your pieces fit as they should. If another puzzle comes along then you simply create a new image together but stop thinking you need to be completed by someone else.
So please when you get weary, frustrated or insecure remember, if you could make it through this year, you could make it anywhere. You have far too many lives to touch, hearts and minds to change to play small. Remember what your last therapist said, “Stop playing small when the world needs you to play big.” You don’t have to play the part of everyone else when you alone are already just as amazing.
As they say, your greatest power is that no one else is like you. You might be a creative and yes there are other creatives in the world, but no one writes poetry like you, no one writes novels like you, no one acts like you, no one writes music like you, no one makes others laugh like you, no one gives advice like you and no one sounds like you. Your voice is uniquely powerful because it is yours.
In 2019, let us let go of comparison, fear, procrastination, being ashamed, and complacent. Your best life starts when you tell it to. So, move in the direction that you desire. Do what makes your heart full. Write what makes your soul stir. Read what caresses your mind. Say what satisfies your spirit. Most importantly, continue to be unapologetically you and bold!
You can find Sophonie at:
Freelance Company: Splendid Writing Services
Podcast: The Haitian American Dream